It was third period on March 29 when I felt my world turned upside down. I was sitting in the back of the Newsroom (B130) when I saw police forces rush through the main entrance of the building and into the bathrooms. 

Newspaper and yearbook adviser Wanda Vanish screamed at the class to get to the front of the room. A change occurred in the room at that moment. We went from innocent children to terrified young adults. 

For over an hour, we sat at the front of the room, texting loved ones and finding things to throw just in case someone tried to break in. The only sound that could be heard was heavy breathing and forced laughter. 

About 45 minutes in, I began to hear of social media reports it was a hoax. Stuck between anger and hope, I began to try and find out more. Twenty minutes later the lockdown was lifted. 

It wasn’t until the lockdown was lifted that I realized the gravity of the situation I had just been in. When it did, it hit me like a ton of bricks. 

So far, I’ve treated what happened that day with just giving the basics. I haven’t said what went through my mind or how I reacted. I guess I have feared reactions from others, but in the end, we shouldn’t judge others for experiences they have gone through. 

When we were told to get to the front of the room, I didn’t think. I ran towards it, but in the process I forgot my phone. I tried not to panic. After all, lockdowns happen all the time. This is nothing new. But, as time went on, I realized the truth. Borrowing someone’s phone, I texted my parents. 

Texting my parents, fearing I would never see them again was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. I had a choice to make at that moment. Remain calm when I text them or panic. In the end, I chose the calm route. 

I didn’t know how my parents would react, and I didn’t know what they would say or do. In the end, I didn’t know until the lockdown was over because the messages they sent back never came through. 

My parents were at the doors of the school the moment they could be. I had never seen my parents cry the way they did at that moment. I hope I never have to again.

I didn’t go to school the next day. I couldn’t face it. We drove past it at one point, and I had a breakdown. The effects of what happened hit me yet again. However, I couldn’t let it get the best off me. 

To this day, I still think about that day a lot. I still will struggle from time to time when I go into the newsroom. I still worry I will go to school one day and not come back. 

I couldn’t be more thankful for how the school district handled the situation. It isn’t their fault that I was as panicked as I was. 

I can’t imagine what families who have been through who have lost children to school shootings, but my heart goes out to each and every one who has lost someone in a school shooting. They are not a joke or something to feel nothing over. They are scary, nerve wracking and stressful.

I wish I could change the way this world works and I wish these things wouldn’t happen. Unfortunately, I can’t do it on my own. Until the world is willing to change and people are willing to make it better, nothing will change. But I’m not afraid to use my voice. I’ll use it and maybe, someday, people will join in.