Head elf charged with unholly, unjolly behavior


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Trouble at the North Pole Elves charged with unholly, unjolly behavior.

Connor George and Destiny Montgomery

On Monday, Dec. 9 the North Pole Police Station (NPPS) received many reports of food poisoning thought to be caused by head chef Jessica Claus’s pre-Christmas feast. 

NPPS deployed decorated detective Sherlock Elf to investigate. 

“There has been a lot of panic regarding all of the poisoning. I will get to the bottom of it, like always,” S. Elf said.

Later that day, around dinner time, instead of heading to their tables, elves gathered at the Claus residence to protest the uncontrollable food poisoning. Led by Head Elf, Elfis Presley, they raised banners with phrases such as “Kick out Claus” and “Stop Poisoning.”

“The goal of this protest is to have a new and better cook. Not only is she a bad cook, but she is selfish. I tried to make the reindeer faster, and she would not let me. With her gone, we can bring in star chef Gordon Elfsy,” Presley said.

Elfsy would be honored to replace Claus as head chef.

“I’ll gladly replace that reindeer, Mrs. Claus, and make all the food better than it has ever been before,” Elfsy said. 

Back at the Claus residence, the mob continues to protest. Elfon Musk is one of the many protestors.

“I’m usually a very happy and kind person, but this is outrageous. Who would give everyone poisoning? It’s insanely rude,” Musk said.

The Health Elf has already discovered the cause of the food poisoning.

“Some elf gave Mrs. Claus the wrong chocolate chips. The ones she used were supposed to go to the reindeer,” H. Elf said.

S. Elf, upon further investigation, found the shipment orders were changed.

“This is quite peculiar. There are only a few people capable of changing the shipment orders that drastically- Mr. and Mrs. Claus and the Head Elf,” S. Elf said.

At 8:43, the S.W.E.L.F. team conducted a raid on the head elf’s residence and found counterfeit shipping papers. 

Presley is now in custody of the NPPS and is being charged with unholly and unjolly behavior.

“I never expected him to be behind all of this, wow,” Musk said.

The trial will be held Thursday, Dec. 26.